The Love of a Homeless Dude

Wise words from a wise man...
How to ask a woman out: Be direct about your intentions. Don't fall in to the trap of saying something like, "Hey, why don't we hang out sometime." Then, the girl doesn't know if it's a date or not. One thing leads to another and the next thing you know, you're living with a woman who might just be your friend.
-Stephen Colbert, I am America (and so Can You!)

So here are two promises:
1. I will not update this blog every other day. (Actually I probably will. I have a lot to say!)
2. I will not make every post on this blog about dating.

I guess dating is a thing that's on my mind a lot more recently than it has been at other times in my life, probably because I'm not in fact dating. Which Jaime has kindly pointed out is unusual, since I am as she dutifully notes a serial monogomist...actually I think she called me Ms. LTR. I'm not going to deny that I have in the past been partial to a "serious relationship." But I've also definitely had the experience Mr. Colbert describes...I've looked around at my life and been like, "I'm living with this guy? Seriously? How the hell did I get here?" I'm not really into that experience anymore, and I'd like to find a guy who wants to hang out semi-regularly and screw a little. Too much to ask? Maybe so...

So maybe I can't get the couple of dudes I've attempted that with in recent months to come out and say whether or not they're into me or not. Fine. Cause you know who loves me? Homeless dudes.

I know what you're all thinking. You're all thinking, "Jesus, Shelley must be desperate now. Homeless dudes love everyone. She thinks she's special?" And you aren't wrong...homeless dudes aren't really picky. But they really do love me. Take Lester for example. The other day I was walking home past the bus stop by the Un-Safeway, and Lester says, "Hey beautiful girl, come on over here for a second. Do you have 50 cents for Lester?" And I said, "No, Lester I'm sorry I don't." And he says, "Well, that's ok beautiful. That don't mean you can't get a hug from Lester." At which time Lester hugged me and told me all about how beautiful I was.

Further, homeless dudes (at least the ones that hang around the Un-Safeway and the homeless shelters on 22nd and Larimer) have qualities that I might find attractive in a man...straightforward, not afraid of rejection, appreciative of my strong personality and cute short haircut. They aren't afraid to let me know what they think of me. They don't feel the need to act cool. On the flip side, they smell bad and are missing teeth and have no jobs or career ambitions, let alone a residence.

But surely there are dudes out there that are simultaneously not afraid of me and not homeless, right?