Today I asked my friend to drive me to the bookstore because I'm having the panic about the 25 source bibliography I have to have turned in on Thursday for my final Masters paper. I figured that Barnes and Noble surely had the answers to all my problems. Sidebar -- I walked out of the B&N with one book pertinent to my paper topic and one called "The Cultural History of the Penis." How's a girl supposed to pass that up?
Anyway, after we left I said, "Oh, oh! Can we go to the 7-11? I need a frozen pizza for dinner."
She looked at me in this way that actually indicated pity. My friend who, let's be clear, I've bailed out of some tragic situations is pitying me because I buy my frozen pizzas at 7-11. She says, "Uh...do you want to go to an actual grocery store for frozen pizza?"
Now, before I go any further, allow me to say that I pretty much love my life. I couldn't ask for a much better set up than what I have now. But there are a set of things that, no matter how great my life is, always make me feel like I am bordering on Stuart-Smalley-I'm-going-to-die-homeless-and-penniless-and-nobody-will-ever-love-me status. One is grocery shopping alone. The other is eating frozen pizza.
So we get to the King Sooper and I get unreasonably excited about a fabulous product called Digorno for One. It's just like what it sounds like -- a Digorno pepperoni pizza for one person. But just when I thought it couldn't get any better...4 for $10. I went ahead and got 4 because, you know, they're nice to have around the house.
It reminded me of an idea that's been rolling around in my head ever since I discovered my wages are being garnished by the State of Colorado (that's an unrelated story, though). I really think it's about time that we started an advocacy organization for single people. Think about it...how much food have you wasted because all food comes in portions for a family of 4? Or at a minimum 2. And...where the hell is my "Hey, thanks for not popping out a kid and contributing to global warming and overpopulation and global food shortages, not to mention just generally fucking the kid up and adding to this world's dysfunction" tax credit? Am I right?
What we need are fair tax policies. Protection for single workers so that they're personal lives and time are valued just as much as married people with kids. FMLA to apply to sick pets. I feel like we could get the cat lady demographic with that plank of the platform alone.
So are you with me on the issue? If so, the best way to get involved is to make a donation of $25 today...
Coming soon to a blog near you, posts on the political acuity of 18 year old stoners and the cultural implications of vacum repair.
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